Confessions of an Addict (Part 3)

"Mum, is that you?" I exclaimed. I was in so much shocked that I dropped my phone. “You almost scared me”, I continued not sure if I was truly scared. The truth was I was more shocked than scared. "Are your windows open?" She said, ignoring me. I could hear the suspicion in her voice but she didn't ask any more than that. She didn't want to get ideas into her head; at least that was what I thought. She also didn't mention the phone. She had acted like she hadn't even noticed the phone lying face-down on my bed with its light still on. "No ma!" I replied, without taking a glance at the windows to be certain they had been properly closed. I just wanted her out of my room and fast too, but she didn't budge.

As if the answer she had received wasn't satisfactory, she walked into the room. As she walked across the room, my heart thumped, hurtling on a fast-path; I could hear my heartbeat. I was really scared. What if she notices my phone? What if she decided to flip it over? I was in deep trouble. These thoughts kept disturbing me as she walked past me and to the window.

I had been caught once making a call at night and had my phone seized. The phone was only released after I promised never to indulge in such act again and of course taken some strokes of my Dad's cane. If she saw the phone, I was done for; it would be my doom.

So I had to act fast but what was I to do? If I slid it into the pillow, she might notice and the webpages were still open. It was too risky. What if I just exit the webpages and stand the chance letting her notice I was using my phone late at night, I thought. The later seemed better, because either ways the probability of her noticing the phone was high but the later proffered minimum risks of her seeing the pages. I waited. As soon as her back was turned to me in her attempt to lower curtains by the window, after seeing that the windows were closed as I had earlier told her, I quickly exited the webpages and had enough time to slide the phone under my pillow.

"Raymond, ga rahu ura, your waking up by 4.00am for devotion" she had turned; now making her way back to the door. She had asked me to get some sleep because I was known for sleeping during our family devotions that usually starts at about 4am and lingers till 5:30am and sometimes 6:00am. I hated the disturbance especially the fact that I had to cut my sleep short and I wasn't allowed to shut my eyes during my Dad's early morning sermons except when we were asked to pray. "Ok, ma" I replied, breathing a sigh of relief. That was a very narrow one. Mumbling a quiet prayer of thanksgiving, I switched off my phone and drifted off to sleep.

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The next morning had started like every other morning, mum come to call us for the family devotion as usual with a cup of water in her hand. I had attended the prayer still sleepy and Dad's little friend - Dr. Do good - was the only reason my eyes were still open. The morning's message was something about unrighteousness and though I had paid little attention to the teachings, I remember being asked to read from the book of Romans 1:18-32. As I read, I was filled with guilt of my act the night before. It felt like a cloak of guilt had been pulled over my face, because all I saw was my filthiness. I couldn’t sleep anymore; I was wide awake. It then dawned on me that I had sinned. Dad's message had brought to life the gravity of my act. He knew nothing about last night but I knew God was talking to me directly.

"Let us pray" Dad said, as he led us in prayers. I cried to God for forgiveness and promised I wouldn't do it again. I was so sure I had done right this time and would not indulge in the act anymore but I didn't know it wasn’t going to be that easy. (To be continued...) :)

 

I know you all have been waiting for this juicy episode. Sorry for the late post guys.
Well Im hoping you getting to follow and enjoy.....theres more to come still after this ;)

CONFESSION OF AN ADDICT (PART 2)

The next day, during recess at school, I walked up to this my friend and asked him what the movie was, what they were doing and why they had acted the way they did. So many questions had popped up in my mind as I sat down on that couch the night before. Questions for which I needed answers. He laughed and asked me how I thought children came. Before then, I had always been told by my parents that children came from the God. So I answered him in the same accord, he laughed again, this time holding his stomach and saying I wasn't going to kill him with my dumb answers. I looked puzzled at his wet eyes as he rolled out bursts of laughter. When he had settled, he placed his left hand on my right shoulder, he then told me that the act I had witnessed the previous night was the way children came to be and that it was an awesome experience.
My young mind was trying hard to absorb the information it had just received, my brain tried to process them but it was too much. I had been brought up in a devout Christian home, we were hardly allowed to watch TV except the evening news and the little times we stayed up late into night to watch a movie most of which were when my parents weren't at home. My Dad was a zonal leader in church and my mum was an active member of the women fellowship. I had attended every Sunday school service and even went on evangelism. So you can understand how strange these things sounded to my innocent ears. We hurriedly scuffled to our classes at the sound of the school bell that marked the end of recess time. From that day I started seeing thing differently. I started noticing the girls that had breasts in my class, I started feeling, having emotions towards the opposite sex.
My lust had been birthed and was growing fast. My female teachers weren't left out, I looked at them lustfully as they walked across the classroom and sometimes even fantasied about having sex with them. Thoughts about how it would be, how it would feel to have my teachers giving the low moans of excitement I had heard from the women in the movie and knowing I was the one making them moan kept me warm in class. Each time I did this, the hormonal surge was usually overwhelming and I loved that feeling so much that I didn't want to stop. I just wanted more.
So one day, I asked my friend how I could get more of the movie. He said he had none except the one he had given me but promised to get in touch with me soon. After about a week or two, he ran up to me one day after school at the football field during practice -we had started an intra-school soccer cup and I was the goalie for my team- and he handed me a piece of paper. It contained list of websites where I could get porno videos and pictures, which I found out he had gotten it from his elder brother's laptop. Excited at what lay in my folded palm, I thanked him heartily and ran to where my school bag was. I put the piece of paper into my bag and returned to continue the game.
Reaching home was something I couldn't wait for, I could hardly put my head in the game and my lack of concentration cost us the game. But I didn't care, I just wanted to go home. When I got home, I performed my normal ritual of chores and assignments, then I waited for everyone to sleep again as my custom had become. I made sure everyone was fast asleep, I wasn't taking any risks. Then I walked into my room, picked up my phone and inputed the URLs. The web pages opened and my jaw dropped at the site before me. I felt like jumping, several pictures and videos, I could choose and watch any I wanted. All I had to do was click and wait while the videos loaded.
I saw this video in which a student was having sex with his teacher, I didn't think twice before I hurriedly clicked on the play button. It was just all I had fantasized about my teachers. Oh, it felt so good watching them work on each other that I didn't know when I started touching myself, the more I watched and touched myself, the better it felt. I had been caught up in a new world of euphoria. I was so engrossed in this little world of ecstasy, I didn't hear the door of my parent's room open. Few seconds later, I saw a figure standing by my door. I was so scared I could have fainted. It was my mum, she had come to check if my windows were closed, it had been raining. Of course I hadn't noticed that, I was lost. I froze as she stood there at the door looking down at my frame on the bed. (To be continued...)

CONFESSION OF AN ADDICT (PART 1)

A movie. It all started with one movie. A movie that would change my life forever, change my view on the world, change the way I saw humans and the opposite sex. A movie!

I grew up in a tiny commercial town in eastern Nigeria. Aba, known for its commercial prowess had served as the only home known to my family and I for the first 17 years of my life. 

In this suburb, I had not only learnt my first words but also made my first set of friends many of which I made in school. Growing up in that environment, we all wanted to experience life, embrace technology and get a feel of the European lifestyle as we had seen it being portrayed in our movies. Hence, we practiced virtually all we watched and said all we heard being said on TV. So it wasn't surprising back in my JSS 2 days, when a friend walked up to me after classes one day and gave me a case. 

On close examination, I realized it was a VCD case, containing a movie. VCDs were the in-thing then, DVDs hadn't been popular and you'd have to be rich to own a player. Exchanging movies was a thing we did frequently, we exchanged movies ranging from chinese action movies to the funny Hollywood movies; Nollywood wasn't really our thing. So you'd understand why my joy knew no bounds, as I was handed this piece of heaven, my only window to the world at that time. 

"This movie is not like any other movie you've watched", he said. I didn't know what it was but I felt it. I didn't know if it was the excitement in his eyes or the things he said as he handed me the movie that got me so interested in watching the movie. With the same excitement that have enveloped my friend, I slid the movie into my school bag just in time to miss the teacher that walked out of the classroom next to us. Trying to act normal, we greeted him as he walked past us. That was a very close call, movies were not allowed in school and being found in possession of one was a serious offense and could land one in serious trouble with the school. 

As soon as I had my dinner and done my chores at home that evening, I sat down to do my assignment. This I did late so that they could keep me up late into the night because they were usually much. Moreover, I had to watch the movie and didn't want anyone up while I did. He had told me to ensure I saw it alone, the reason for which I didn't know at that time but I was sure to find out. So I stole towards my parents room, checked and was sure they were asleep. After confirming that I was the only one awake, I switched on the TV, slot in the movie and pushed the play button. 

The movie started like every normal movie I had watched, a group of college students were having a pool party sort of. I had no problems with the bikini party and the drinks, I had seen them times before but what caught my attention were the things that happened when I went further into the movie. I was stunned by the amount of nudity that lay before me. I had seen naked drawings of human beings in my fine art and biology text books but these detailed, lively motion pictures of nudity were all new to me. They were doing things I didn't understand, something I later came to understand was sex, they were having sex. I didn't understand much about it but I knew they were enjoying whatever it was they were doing, I could tell from the shout and low moans of excitement I heard. 

Also the changes I observed on me, it was different, I hadn't felt that way before. I didn't know or have the words to describe what I was experiencing at that time, but little did I know that in that room, that night sitting alone on the couch while the rest of my family was fast asleep, I was being baptized into the world of pornography. A baptism I wasn't going to recover from in a long time. ( to be continued...)

REFLECTIONS

Reflection is the act or a state of being reflected.

Self-reflection is a humbling process. It is essential to find out why you think, say, and do certain things. Honest self-reflection opens your mind to reprogramming, change, success and freedom. Do not become too pre-occupied with what is happening around you, rather pay more attention to what is going on with you. Always want to be the best version of yourself for anyone who is going to someday walk into our lives and need someone to love them beyond reason. Even if you are doing well and have it all figured out, there is a voice you will always hear at some point which nags at you continuously but don’t ever dismiss it, listen to what it has to say. Life will never be close enough to be perfect and listening to that voice marks stepping outside of yourself and considering your own wrong doing and flaws. Stop trying to be less of who you are, let this time in your life cut you open and drain all of the things that are holding you back. You can’t see yourself; you know what you look like because of mirrors and photographs. Out there in the world, as you move among your fellow human beings, whether strangers of friends or the most intimate beloveds, your own face is invisible to you. You can see other parts of yourself, arms and legs, hands and feet, shoulders and torso, but only from the front, nothing of the backs except the backs of your legs, if you twist them into the right position, but never your face and in its end –at least. As far as others are concerned, your face is who you are, the essential fact of your identity.  The only conflict you will ever have in your life won’t be with others but with yourself.

FOOD

Food and eating behavior often begin during childhood and are closely tied to family and culture. There is a strong relationship between memory and food; for example the taste, smell and the texture of the food can trigger memories of earlier food related events and activities in our lives. For me, jollof rice and cow meat in a tray with my lovely sisters every Christmas morning triggers memories of I and my sisters together as children. Throughout our lives we may associate certain foods with a holiday, past events, or a specific memory. These may even provide comfort during times of sadness or sorrow. There is no question that food plays a major role in life, this role does not lessen even if the ability to swallow, chew, digest, or absorb food is lost.

A healthy diet is the basis for a well-functioning body. Food is the source of energy for all of our bodily functions and affects how our bodies and minds function in every stage of life. There are variety of reasons why a healthy diet is important, including disease prevention, maintenance of a healthy weight and quality of life.

Your food choices each day affect your health. How you feel today, tomorrow, and in the future.   

So whats your story?

HAIR

A woman’s hair is her primary beauty weapon, and we all want silky, shinny, lustrous look. Healthy hair equals beautiful hair, so there are different ways you can take care of your hair. This blog will help with different ways in which we can take care of our hair both natural and artificial.